Transfixus Sed Non Mortuus

On Friday, I ran in the twinkie run five kilometer race over at Gallup Park. It’s put on every year by “Ann Arbor Active Against ALS (http://www.a2a3.org),” which is a group that provides funds for research in the fight against Lou Gehrig’s disease.

You might be wondering why it is called the twinkie run. I don’t know how or why it got started, but for every twinkie consumed during the race, you get a 60 second time deduction off your finishing time. Since I do love doing silly things (and this certainly seems silly), I signed up!

The weather was actually pretty good for a race. There was a slight wind from the WNW at like 10mph or so, which I duly noted before the race by licking my finger and sticking it up into the sky. The temperatures were in the high forties or low fifties and the sun was blazing brightly. All in all, it was a beautiful spring day.

I felt a bit unsure of myself as my friends and I walked up to the starting line. I was holding the first twinkie in my hand. I spoke with my friend Alf about what would be the best way to eat a twinkie while racing. You could just try to swallow it down whole. Perhaps a two or even a three-bite gulp would be best. I myself finally settled on a two-bite gulp, planning on putting each half of the twinkie in my cheeks like a squirrel. Then, I could slowly eat it while I raced.

I didn’t know it at the time, but the idea was to eat it BEFORE I started. Neverthelesss, I did the “squirrel cheek” technique as I started the race. It wound around the south side of the river by Gallup Park and headed east along gallup park road. For the first half mile or so, my mouth felt uncomfortably dry while my saliva tried to work on all that sugary sweetness bubbling around in my throat.

I soon got into the swing of things and I started returning to a bit of normalcy while I turned the corner and started heading back west (and into the wind). I drafted off a couple people, but soon passed them, continuing my increasing pace.

Just as I rounded the corner of the canoe livery, I found that a table had been set up with a bunch of twinkies. There were hundreds of golden spongecakes glistening in their clear plastic wrappings. I must admit that I felt a little queasy at the sight.

There was a gentleman at the “twinkie station” on a megaphone making sure that you stopped and COMPLETELY ate the twinkie before you continued on with the race. I started to scarf it down. The first bite took the twinkie down to half its former size. However, as I frantically chewed, the twinkie didn’t seem to want to dissolve. I didn’t have enough saliva to help with the digestion. My teeth chewed furiously while I looked at what remained of the twinkie. When it was about half-chewed, I chomped off another quarter of the twinkie. “Three fourths of the way there,” I told myself while I frantically chewed. I saw a couple runners start off again, and that made me chew all the faster. At last, I took the last quarter of the twinkie in my mouth and half-chewed, half-swallowed it down.

Another gentleman who arrived at about the same time as me said, “Let’s go.” I opened my mouth to show the referee that I had completely ate the twinkie and then sprinted off. The course was basically a repeat of the previous loop, so I knew the basic way to go. I started off pretty good, but on the long stretch along Gallup Park Road, I began to tire.

There was one person who was drafting off me, and decided to pass me as I slowed down around 2 miles into the race. He said, “Come on” to me, and I mustered some energy and tried to stay with his pace. I felt sick to my stomach and my legs felt like I was working anaerobically, but I stayed with him. We passed around to the north side of the river, and I tried to push it, but my breathing felt ragged and I just felt tired. My new-found friend started to pull away from me by a few strides. However, we crossed under the Huron Parkway bridge, and I decided to “kick it in.” I knew there couldn’t be more than a tenth of a mile left, so I told myself to “GET GOING!” I pushed hard, caught up with my friend, and said, “Come on! Let’s go!” and he started sprinting with me. I eventually passed him about twenty feet before the finish line, and sprinted the rest of the way in.

My time was 20:34 (before taking two minutes off for my two twinkies!). I came in third in my age group (out of ten), and eleventh overall (out of 242).

It certainly was a rather interesting race, and I wonder if I can improve my time next year by practicing how I eat my twinkie!

There’s a nice article here: http://annarborchronicle.com/2011/04/02/monthly-milestone-internet-twinkies/

Also, here’s a great picture from that web site of me trying to finish that last twinkie:

Yesterday, I participated in the annual Shamrocks and Shenanigans five kilometer race to benefit Mott Hospital’s “Save A Heart.” It has become a tradition of sorts for me. It is the first race of the running “season” for me, and I’ve always looked forward to seeing where I am at in terms of endurance.

This year, the course was changed due to construction in downtown Ann Arbor. I mapped the course on mapmyrun.com to get the elevation. In past years, there have been some pretty steep hills, and it appeared that this year would be the same.

The sky was overcast and the temperatures were in the high thirties or low forties. A cool day by all measures, but I thought to myself that these types of temperatures are just perfect because I’ve been running outdoors since the end of January.

Two of my sisters ran the race with me and we wore matching tee shirts that said “Walsh Rules” with our coat of arms on the back as we had the year before. They and a few friends of mine lined up in the middle of the pack to start the race.

We got to talking and before I knew it, the race had started. There were 1700 people or so, so it took a while before we actually crossed the starting line. The race uses radio chips to track the actual time, so I wasn’t in any hurry to get across the start.

The race began on a slightly sloping uphill along Ashley Street. I quickly moved to the outside left because I knew the first turn would be a left turn, and I wanted to stay on the inside. Once we turned down Washington, I increased my stride for a slight downhill, and had to dodge around a few people who were slowing down. I jumped and ran on a snowbank along the side of the road and cut a little wide on the next turn. The course wound around so that we were heading west on William, where there’s a slight uphill, and then we went back down ashley to jefferson, where there was ANOTHER slight uphill. The course curled around main street to where the first mile marker was. I hit my stopwatch, and checked my lap time: 6:30. That made me think, “Uh oh, I might have went out too fast. I might not have enough at the end.” However, my breathing was still good, and my legs felt pretty good.

There was a long uphill on Main street right after the first mile marker. I ran up that and still felt pretty good. Seeing that I felt so good, I decided that I would just keep the same general pace, and see where that takes me. I drafted off a couple of people who had a similar stride to me because the wind seemed to be coming out of the northwest, causing a cross-wind situation. I find that it’s a lot easier to run if you get in step with someone just off their shoulder. I did that for the remainder of the second mile with only a few exceptions where their pace didn’t match mine. I soon saw the two mile marker up ahead and clocked in at 6:45 for that mile.

I still felt really well for after running two miles, so I decided that I wouldn’t leave any energy on the road. I would really push myself. I climbed the hill on Main Street again and began speeding up at the same time. I stretched out my stride further, trying to utilize my body structure. Soon, I had found a much faster pace than I had been going. I quickly started to tire at this pace, but I kept going. I remember on one of the stretches having a feeling of elation, almost like flying. It was amazing! Soon, I saw the sign for the 3 mile mark (letting me know that there was only 0.1 miles left). I kicked my legs into high gear, and powered up a hill and around a corner, where I could see the finish line. I pushed harder on my sprint and as I crossed the finish line, I hit my stopwatch: 6:45 (for 1.1 miles).

My official “chip” time was 20:02, which was a whole lot better than I expected to do. In my practices, I had been running in the 7:30-8 minute per mile range. However, my average pace on this race was 6:27! I felt tired after the race, but I felt amazed at my time! I am so grateful that I am getting back into shape, especially after the knee problem of two years ago and the shoulder problem of last year! As I mentioned, this race felt really good to me throughout. There was no point where I didn’t want to be out there running. It was actually one of the best races I’ve had in a few years in terms of how I felt, even if it wasn’t the fastest.

I placed 5th out of 98 men in my age group, and 37th out of 1687 runners and walkers.