Transfixus Sed Non Mortuus

Here I Stand, Pierced and Transfixed

Browsing Posts published by michaeljohn32

A Boy in the Rain

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Yesterday was a fine-soaking-rain-kind-of-day. The water seemed to lounge in the air for a long moment before it crashed to earth in disjointed splashes. I got done with work and followed Sean to the back porch. He was gazing at the rain and seemed to be taking it all in.

Then, he went to the door and looked up at me as if to say, “Let me out there! It looks interesting!” I debated it for a few moments. I thought about all the things that could happen. He could get cold, but I could wrap him up in a towel afterwards. He could get ill, but I don’t know if being out in the rain would have caused it or something else. A thousand thoughts and counter-thoughts seemed to rush through my brain, and at last, I gave in by taking off his socks and opening the screen door for him. I’m so glad I did.

He jumped outside and started dancing on the little landing that leads down to the ground. He splashed his little bare feet in the puddles and laughed deep belly laughs. He squealed as the rain bore down harder on his slowly soaking hair. I went out there too for a few seconds, but the shock of the cold air and water made me retreat back in for a little while.

Then, I overcame myself and went back out there with him. He carefully started descending the stairs (by turning around and going down facing the stairs just like we taught him!). He took a couple of steps down, and looked up at me questioningly. I gave him a nod, and followed him into our yard.

It was magical. The yard was transformed before my eyes! Here, a water droplet held the grass like a lover, but in a moment was gone. There, a stick looked like a gnarled hand reaching up from the ground. Little eddies and lakes were forming hither and yon. There was a world in the yard! Sean seemed to see it too, and we both were giggling and laughing as we explored this beautiful new world.

Then, a flash of light appeared in the horizon. Sean didn’t know what it was, but a loud crash of thunder split the sound of rushing water and falling rain. Sean turned around and ran to me. I kneeled down and he rushed into my arms and wrapped his arms around me so very tight! I said, “It’s okay, buddy. Let’s go inside.” He buried his head in my shoulder and together we walked slowly back to the house. I told him that everything is okay, but we do go inside when we hear thunder.

We got out of our wet clothes and got ready for dinner. During dinner, every time the thunder would sound, Sean would look at me and point out the window with a big smile on his face. I would say, “Yes, Sean. That’s thunder!” Then, we would proceed with eating.

This video made me sad, but also brings a lot of what I consider reality to light. Not bad for a cartoon!

I don’t know what you smoke
or what countries you’ve been to,
if you speak any other languages other than your own.
I’d like to meet you.

I don’t know if you drive,
if you love the ground beneath you.
I don’t know if you write letters
or you panic on the phone.
I’d like to call you all the same if you want to.
I am game.

I don’t know if you can swim
If the sea is any draw for you
If your better in the morning or when the sun goes down
I’d like to call you.

I don’t know if you can dance.
If the thought ever occurred you.
If you eat what you’ve been given
or you push it ’round the plate.
I’d like to cook for you all the same.
I would want to.
I am game.

If you walk my way,
I could keep my head.
We could creep away in the dark
or maybe not.
We could chew it down anyway.

I don’t know if you read novels
or the magazines.
If you love the hand or feet.
I assume that your heart’s been bruised.
I’d like to know.

You don’t know if I can draw at all
or what records I am into.
If I sleep in a spoon
or really at all.
Or maybe you would do
Or maybe you would do

If you walk my way,
I will keep my head.
We feel our way through the dark.
Though I don’t know you,
I think that i will do.
I don’t fall easy at all,
yeah, at all
at all…
at all…
at all…

If you walk my way,
I will keep my head.
We feel our way through the dark.
Though I don’t know you,
I think that i will do.
I don’t fall easy at all.
~Lisa Hannigan

Eight years old
with a flour sack cape tied all around his neck
He climbed up on the garage,
he’s figurin what the heck
Screwed his courage up so tight,
that the whole thing come unwound.
He got a runnin start and bless his heart,
he headed for the ground.

Well he’s one of those who knows
that life is just a leap of faith.
Spread your arms and hold your breath
and always trust your cape.

Now he’s all grown up
with a flour sack cape tied all around his dreams.
And he’s full of piss and vinegar,
and he’s bustin’ at the seams.
So he licked his finger and checked the wind,
its gonna be do or die
He wasnt scared of nothin, boys,
he was pretty sure he could fly.

Well he’s one of those who knows
that life is just a leap of faith.
Spread your arms and hold your breath
and always trust your cape.

Now he’s old and gray
with a flour sack cape tied all around his head.
And hes still jumpin off the garage
and will be ’til hes dead.
All these years the people said,
“He’s actin like a kid.”
He did not know
he could not fly, so he did.

Well he’s one of those who knows
that life is just a leap of faith.
Spread your arms and hold your breath
and always trust your cape.
Yeah, he’s one of those who knows
that life is just a leap of faith.
Spread your arms and hold your breath
and always trust your cape.
Spread your arms and hold your breath
and always trust your cape.
~Guy Clark


Oh whoa oh oh whoa
What makes a man do the things
that a man does to be
the very thing he perceives
would capture your heart?
Capture your heart…

What does it feel like inside?
Does it hurt you at night?
Or does it keep you alive,
and set you on fire?
on fire…
I would give anything
for the touch of your skin.
Yes, I would burn here for years
up in desire.
desire…

Uh huh huh huh
Uh huh huh huh

What makes a woman believe
in a man such as me?
Unworthy to sit
at your foot or your crown?
I can only let you down.
Oh whoa oh oh whoa
Oh whoa oh oh whoa
I can only let you down.
Oh whoa oh oh whoa
Oh whoa oh oh whoa

What does it feel like inside?
Does it hurt you at night?
Or does it keep you alive
and set you on fire?
on fire…
I would give anything
for the touch of your skin.
Yes, I would burn here for years
up in desire.
desire…

Uh huh huh huh
Uh huh huh huh

And some men spend their lives
chasing the accolades of pride.
But that just never crossed my mind;
you were always on my mind.

Ooohhh

What does it feel like inside?
Does it hurt you at night?
Or does it keep you alive,
and set you on fire?
on fire…
I would give anything
for the touch of your skin.
Yes, I would burn here for years
up in desire.
desire…
Uh huh huh huh
Uh huh huh huh
Uh huh huh huh
Desire.
desire…
Uh huh huh huh
Uh huh huh huh
Uh huh huh huh
Uh huh huh huh
Uh huh huh huh
~The Gaslight Anthem (http://www.thegaslightanthem.com/)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_b1JFO2frw

Whenever I taste
honey from your lips,
it’s a moment of purpose
only you can give.

Whatever I hear,
whatever I may see,
whatever my cause, dear,
I know you believe.

‘Cause you’re beautiful my love,
when I close my eyes.
And you’re beautiful my love,
under heaven’s skies.

If ever you think
careless is the night,
I’ll comfort you with silence
till the morning light.
Wherever you turn,
wherever you may roam,
wherever you conquer,
I’ll always be your home.

‘Cause you’re beautiful my love,
when I close my eyes.
Yeah, you’re beautiful my love,
under heaven’s skies.

And you fly me
through your skies
of harmony.
And you lay me down
with words of honesty.

Yeah, you’re beautiful
You’re beautiful, yeah,
here with me.
You’re beautiful, my love
when I close my eyes.
Yeah, you’re beautiful, my love
under heaven’s skies.

Yeah, you’re beautiful, my love.
Yeah, you’re beautiful, my love.
Yeah, you’re beautiful, my love.

Yeah, you’re beautiful, my love.
Yeah, you’re beautiful, my love.
Yeah, you’re beautiful, my love.

Yeah, you’re beautiful, my love.
Yeah, you’re beautiful, my love.
Yeah, you’re beautiful, my love.

Yeah, you’re beautiful, my love.
Yeah, you’re beautiful, my love
under heaven’s skies.
~Collective Soul


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQGmyOgnXsQ

My Bird Died

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This morning was a dark and cloud-filled morning. The wind was whistling against my apartment’s outer wall and I woke up at least once to some rain beating against the window. An ominous warning, to be sure. As I got up and got ready for the day, I uncovered my cockatiel’s cage and found her dead at the bottom. Bau Bau had been having some health issues prior, so it wasn’t a complete surprise, but I felt a lot of emotion when I realized what I was looking at.

As I rode my bike into work, I thought about all the history that we had shared. My friend Sophia gave her to me while I was attending university. At first, Bau Bau and I had a little rocky relationship while we learned to get along, but soon, she would jump right onto my hand and sit on my shoulder while I was home. She had this cute little way of turning her head one hundred and eighty degrees while looking at me out of one of her eyes. I loved to stroke her crest feathers and she always loved that too. She would nuzzle so gently up against my chin and make little soft noises while I went about my business at home.

Bau Bau used to have this habit of sneaking out of her cage. I’m still not sure how she did it, but one night, I woke up in the middle of the night to some “thing” crawling on my shoulder. I got scared and knocked that thing into the the air. Turns out, it was my lovely little bird that I had hit. For two or three weeks afterwards, she was scared of me and really seemed to act like she was mad. I remember I got her out of her cage at one point, and she flew straight to my sister’s shoulder and seemed to be saying, “ha” to me. I felt so horrible about it, but she eventually forgot or forgave me, and our relationship went back to normal. Eventually, she stopped breaking out of her cage too, which I’m very grateful for.

My roommate Adam had a cat named Layla. Layla was a little timid, but was still a cat. She would sit for a very long time watching Bau Bau play at our old apartment. Then, every once in a while, she would try to get Bau Bau. However, Bau Bau was always wary and would fly straight to me, or would turn and face Layla. Layla would either stop or run away in the face of the fierce snapping beak and giant flapping wings of Bau Bau. It was certainly an uneasy situation, but it never got out of hand.

I remember all the mornings when I lived on Dexter Ave where she would wake me up. The sunlight would stream through the east-facing window of my bedroom, and she would start to sing softly. Then, as the sun kept rising, she would get a little louder until I got up and wished her good morning. Some mornings, I would be mad at her for waking me up, but looking back on it now, those memories are showered in a golden hue.

Bau Bau taught me a lot about how to love. She required a lot of patience to train. She could be really ornery sometimes without any known reason at all. Sometimes, she would sit in her cage and scream at me if she wanted me to play with her some more. Other times, she would leave droppings on my favorite shirt. She taught me that loving one of God’s creatures can be hard, but at the same time, it can be very rewarding in those moments of joy when she would gently whistle in my ear or try to groom my hair. It’s kind of funny to me that a simple creature could teach me so much and also fill a piece of my heart in a way that no other creature has.

She was with me through a lot of life changes, including multiple moves, relationships, and job changes. She was always there wanting to play with me every day when I got home. It seems strange to think that she won’t be there when I get home tonight. I feel bad for the times I felt too busy to play with her more. I also feel like I am going to miss her for a very long time to come.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TD2Niae26Ow